I have to say that although Junior year has to be without question the most stressful year of my high school career thus far, it has also been one of my happiest. In past years my one sole focus was also school and trying my best on everything and doing everything as perfect as I could make it. Although I still try to maintain those same ideals as my past years in school, I decided that above all my happiness came first. And although maybe I was getting better grades than I am now, it just isn't worth it to me. Yes, I know that this decides my future and yes I do want to be successful, but I can still be successful going to a college that isn't an Ivy League or a very top ranked school. I still remember nights of freshman and sophomore year filled with anxiety and stress. I'm seventeen years old and this should be the happiest four years of my life, or so the generation ahead of me says. I can remember countless sleepless nights where I would go to bed thinking about how I should be at my happiest point in my life, and I remember asking myself why am I not feeling like that? Is it because I'm not good enough? Why do I feel so miserable? The day before Junior Year I remember thinking that I would honestly rather sit in an empty room for six hours with nothing to do than go to school. Honestly even considering that as a different option is awful. Kids are supposed to be having fun and enjoying life. When I tell family members how much I hate school my grandma always says "Just wait until you start to work and have to raise a family". If it's really that much worse than what I was feeling in those years than is all I have to look forward to is waking up everyday to a terrible life and barely making it through the day bored with your own repeating cycle of a tired life. Honestly though i would have to disagree with my grandmother, who first off hasn't been to school in years and could probably never imagine the change in work load. Second, I actually do work now, and have worked probably about four different jobs now, and i can say that one, a job is so much more motivating than school because you get money out of it which can pay for new experiences and trips. Second because usually a job is something you enjoy, or at least that's what it should be; you're being paid to do what you enjoy!
I just can't help but feel a lack of motivation this year and I feel like it might be a bad thing, but it also may be a good thing. I think in the sense of college and SATs though its not so much of me trying to be happy but me avoiding being miserable again. Every time one of my parents brings up college I honestly feel like running away because this is work that I HAVE to put 100 percent into. All of that work brings me back to freshman and sophomore year and I just don't know how I will be able to handle that. I'm so excited to go to college, but I just don't want to have to go through the SATs which is only helpful if you excel in vocabulary, math, or reading, and can do those things very very fast. I mean I will have to face it at some point, I just don't know when I will have enough courage to face it all again.
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